Sunset
Thank you. I have never seen one before. Unless you live in Alaska or Siberia, leave it off my feed.
Alcohol
“LOOK HOW MUCH FUN I’M HAVING AND I’M SO COOL BECAUSE I’M DRINKING ALCOHOL!” I’m going to assume your stupid hashtags underneath are #beerthirty #fiveoclocksomewhere #sexonthebeach.
Pets
Basically, what you’re admitting to the world with your hundreds of pictures of your cats is that you’re singleā¦or you’re jealous of your friends with children and this is the only way you know how to compete. A couple now and then is fine, but three a day? Bet you’re watching Ellen too.
Selfies
The worst of the worst of the worst. Stop. Stop now. Isn’t this what your profile picture is for? I don’t need to see you throwing up a peace sign, a smoochy face, or pushing your boobs together (even though you didn’t really mean to, it just happened!) You know how you criticize when you see someone else’s selfie? Yeah, that’s what we’re doing to yours.
Plane Wings
Ohhhh, so when you checked in at LaGuardia an hour ago, I thought that meant you were running to Chicago. Thank God the plane wings cleared that confusion right up.